I don’t care what your PR is….I can’t walk.

I apologize in advance:

It’s sad to write this but it’s what I’m thinking alot.  I  support my Xfitters and be proud of them but at the same time their words are cold at hit me hard.  They don’t mean to but they get to do movements that I wont be able to do for many months to come or this year. Then there are those that “think” they know what they are doing…crossfit “type” WOD’s. I just wanna kick them with my good leg. Go learn how to do it properly and stop making asses of yourself.  “I don’t care what you PR is”!  People can be  insensitive and not know it. I can’t walk without a cane, you can.  Go learn how to squat properly.These people are the ones that take Crossfit to a dangerous place, with bad form and poor programing. Ugh. Get out of my face! These people do nothing but piss me off and come running to me when they pull heavy weight. 

Phew…..feels good to get that out there……now update:

I’ve been on a rollercoaster since this all happened. Somedays are good. I get motivated to wanna lift. Even had a gym goer feel inspired by me hoping around equipment to lift. Thanks But I can’t do it without help. I need a coworker to get the weight for me still or  set up my iso-lat pull down cuz I can’t balance enough to lift the 45lb plate!

 Its been 7 weeks and my knee still swells up, I can just barely make it home to my girls most times. The sharp pains I get at night keep me up and it starts all over again. Shit! So I’ll have to what to see my ortho doc tomorrow. hope fully there is no real damage but it hurts so damn much. I just want this to be over with. ….and I’m running out of fish oil!

going on 3 weeks and its all fading away….

Maybe this is a way to let me know that there are other things in life I need to take of. I fing myself wondering if Ill ever do Crossfit again. The upper body workouts given to me at fine but its not the same. I have no dersire to workout ,unless Im pushed. The eating is begining to wear on me. Paleo is awesome when I did crossfit, not so much when Im stuck on a sofa for hours at a time.  It gave me energy to move, now it just makes those trips to the bathroom a pain. Damn crutches. I use to run to the computer to log onto my crossfit sites-dreading what tourtues lie ahead but enjoying the pain and strength it gave me. I don’t do this anymore. My focus is now my famliy and getting better for them. Did I push everythig out of the way for Crossfit? Did my family suffer from me being gone on travel to Xfit certs, hoppers or events. Ive noticed a big change in my girls attitude with me being around more. Yes, Im hurt but we are closer because of this. And I love it : ) Did Crossfit come first in my life?

The knee is better, stiff with a bit of fluid. We’ll see what my MRI says Tuesday but should I brace myself for the worse. Maybe. All signs point to me changing my priorities. Not just at home but at work. Most comments I get are ” your missed at the gym” or “your gonna get flabby”. I don’t hear anything that lets me know I was missed in Crossfit-as far as my coaching abilities. Or missed doing a WOD.  Did I just go along for the ride cuz it was the thing to do and it was cool?  Maybe being a crossfit coach isn’t what Im meant to do. I feel left out of events and conversations and it hasn’t been that long.  Did I invest all that time and money to make myself feel better. Maybe.

So I have a new focus starting week four. Getting rid of these damn crutches for starters! My kids and my job. Im not sure if I can do crossfit again or If I want to. Time will tell but Im sure they will be fine without me and thats ok. Its just all fading away and Im not sure I can get it back.