I don’t care what your PR is….I can’t walk.

I apologize in advance:

It’s sad to write this but it’s what I’m thinking alot.  I  support my Xfitters and be proud of them but at the same time their words are cold at hit me hard.  They don’t mean to but they get to do movements that I wont be able to do for many months to come or this year. Then there are those that “think” they know what they are doing…crossfit “type” WOD’s. I just wanna kick them with my good leg. Go learn how to do it properly and stop making asses of yourself.  “I don’t care what you PR is”!  People can be  insensitive and not know it. I can’t walk without a cane, you can.  Go learn how to squat properly.These people are the ones that take Crossfit to a dangerous place, with bad form and poor programing. Ugh. Get out of my face! These people do nothing but piss me off and come running to me when they pull heavy weight. 

Phew…..feels good to get that out there……now update:

I’ve been on a rollercoaster since this all happened. Somedays are good. I get motivated to wanna lift. Even had a gym goer feel inspired by me hoping around equipment to lift. Thanks But I can’t do it without help. I need a coworker to get the weight for me still or  set up my iso-lat pull down cuz I can’t balance enough to lift the 45lb plate!

 Its been 7 weeks and my knee still swells up, I can just barely make it home to my girls most times. The sharp pains I get at night keep me up and it starts all over again. Shit! So I’ll have to what to see my ortho doc tomorrow. hope fully there is no real damage but it hurts so damn much. I just want this to be over with. ….and I’m running out of fish oil!

going on 3 weeks and its all fading away….

Maybe this is a way to let me know that there are other things in life I need to take of. I fing myself wondering if Ill ever do Crossfit again. The upper body workouts given to me at fine but its not the same. I have no dersire to workout ,unless Im pushed. The eating is begining to wear on me. Paleo is awesome when I did crossfit, not so much when Im stuck on a sofa for hours at a time.  It gave me energy to move, now it just makes those trips to the bathroom a pain. Damn crutches. I use to run to the computer to log onto my crossfit sites-dreading what tourtues lie ahead but enjoying the pain and strength it gave me. I don’t do this anymore. My focus is now my famliy and getting better for them. Did I push everythig out of the way for Crossfit? Did my family suffer from me being gone on travel to Xfit certs, hoppers or events. Ive noticed a big change in my girls attitude with me being around more. Yes, Im hurt but we are closer because of this. And I love it : ) Did Crossfit come first in my life?

The knee is better, stiff with a bit of fluid. We’ll see what my MRI says Tuesday but should I brace myself for the worse. Maybe. All signs point to me changing my priorities. Not just at home but at work. Most comments I get are ” your missed at the gym” or “your gonna get flabby”. I don’t hear anything that lets me know I was missed in Crossfit-as far as my coaching abilities. Or missed doing a WOD.  Did I just go along for the ride cuz it was the thing to do and it was cool?  Maybe being a crossfit coach isn’t what Im meant to do. I feel left out of events and conversations and it hasn’t been that long.  Did I invest all that time and money to make myself feel better. Maybe.

So I have a new focus starting week four. Getting rid of these damn crutches for starters! My kids and my job. Im not sure if I can do crossfit again or If I want to. Time will tell but Im sure they will be fine without me and thats ok. Its just all fading away and Im not sure I can get it back.

Week 1

I feel like my world has stopped, I feel like I have no where to turn, no goals to reach, no reason to keep trying, I even feel as if God is punishing me for something I have done..why..lets go back a week.

I was at the Chilli Cook Off in DC. It was my first time and I was with my daughter, enjoying  good friends, great music, food and of  coarse , a few brew dogs. Why not I work hard : )  I love music but I should have stayed out of the crowd. What was I thinking getting that close to a mosh pit! Oh well, Im with my daughter, enjoying Stone Temple Pilots when out of no where I was hit by a body. Yeah, a human body can out of no where( from behind) and landed on me. I left like a soda can that was justed stomped on. I crumpled unneath this massive 200lbs woman, she of coarse was fine-if I was that drunk I would be too- but I wasn’t. While on the groud I felt my knee-cap dislocate. I screamed as loud as I could for help,then I blacked out from the pain and woke up to strangers and friends pulling me out of a see of people-had finger tip bruises on my arms to prove it. The first thing that I thought of was how am I can I do my Crossfit!! What am I going to do! This is my life, my food, my drug, my reason to push forward….how can this happen to me now. Why take this away..work has been suffering with the economy, my “husband “has a social life that puts most 20 yr olds to shame, my teenage girls are a daily task.  Now this. Come freakin’ on.

So the dislocation was the injury, I can’t walk, feed my dogs, water my flowers, do laundry, shower, drive or Do Crossfit. My first reaction was devistation. Crossfit has made me into a stronge woman, inside and out. I can do things I never thought I could do but now I can’t even pick up my cat.  Oye

 Now week one is over with. The swelling has gone down, the brusing is surfacing but so is the pain.  Ive been told to rest ,ice and elevate. So I do it. Man, daytime TV is horrible! I sit on my couch day after day or I go onto the usual sites, Crossfit-Crossfit Football-SMCrossfit and miss it all. Will I get back to where I was? Will it happen again? Should I continue doing this? Most of these questions can bring me to tears and do.

Hmm, but Im Irish and Mexican…and hell no I won’t stop! So here it goes….week one, check!  I couldn’t have done it with out my daughters, friends and Crossfit Click. We are such a tight- nit group. Only you would understand and you do.

So what’s ahead for the next coming weeks. Walking for one, walking without crutches!  I don’t feel that injuries should stop anyone from doing what they want to do. I hear so many excuses from people that have aches and pains. Please! Im here to put all those people in their place. Im here to let “those” people know if you want it then do it…just like the nike commercial!lol But seriously. Lets see how long this will take me. Its going to hurt , I might swear sometimes but Ill be back!

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